Episode 107: Recovery From Toxic Family Systems - Part I

Addressing areas of family wounding to achieve healthy adult relationships

Our early family experiences fundamentally influence the kind of relationship quality we have as adults. What did we experience growing up, and what types of strategies and coping methods did we take on to get through?

This episode looks at some of the areas of wounding that can need addressing in order to have better, more genuine and intimate adult relationships. One of the reference sources for this episode is the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker.

The recovery journey for some can be long and anything that can help add to our self-education so that we can reclaim ourselves is valuable. This is a vast topic, hence visiting with it in parts. I hope you find this helpful.

Episode 106: Sibling Rivalry and Abuse

How sibling dynamics can shape our present state

The relationship that you have with your sibling/siblings and cousins can be the longest relationships in your life. Depending on your experiences growing up these relationships can be of massive support, considerable pain or both.

This episode looks at how these relationships were shaped by our experience in our family system growing up and how they play out in our present adult relationships.

Were you forced to compete for attention? Did you feel that you were constantly compared?

How has the past shaped the present?

This episode looks at some of the dynamics that can shape sibling relationships. The more we can understand what happened in the broader sense of the family the more we can move towards having even more joyous and intimate relationships in the present.

Episode 99: Receiving The Crumbs Of Love In Relationship

Growing your relationship with self

This episode happened to emerge from the recesses of my brain because I was wondering about how it is that sometimes I have settled for so little lovingness and put up with so much below standard behaviour. 

I was on the track of thinking about that in relationship with others, and then realised it was more reflective of my relationship to me. This episode is a bit of a muse and a ramble through the concept of standards of treatment and levels of tolerance.

How is it that, sometimes I find that it is effortless to devalue, belittle and shame myself? However, the effort to readdress that with some loving positive self-talk seems more hollow and anything but convincing?

At the moment when I need myself the most, I can go missing. As human beings, we are in my opinion truly amazing and my hope is that this episode helps in some way towards your own growing relationship with self. All the best on your journey!

Episode 88: More Insights On The Inner Critic

Understanding & making an ally of the inner critic

The kind of relationship that we foster with our Inner Critic can foster success or cause us to give up on our dreams. The number of times that my inner critic has convinced me, in one way or another, that I am not presently good enough… or even that the potential in the future of being good enough is slim happens with alarming regularity!

What are some of the ways in which unhealthy inner critic presents and flattens our confidence?

How can we keep on track and continue to work on the things we are wanting to improve without tearing ourself down all the time?

When appropriately integrated the Inner Critic can be of exceptional value.

Episode 87: Making Progress In Life - Part II

Daily strategies for achieving success

So you have established the areas of importance to you in your life, and some evidence for how you might like to continue to improve.

This episode looks at a practical daily strategy for achieving that success. How do we manage unplanned interruptions? How do we get back on track? How can we bypass frustration?

In this episode, we address goal setting with built-in secondary and tertiary targets for those days when life decides it has plans for us other than those we set out to achieve.

Little consistent steps in the right direction can over time build into really significant achievements.

Episode 86: Making Progress In Life

Practical planning for getting more out of life

There is a saying for which I don't know the origin. "Structure provides freedom."

Some structure also helps with progress and human beings tend to do very well when they set a goal and feel that they are making progress towards that goal.

This episode is about setting up some broad structure so as to begin to set up a practical plan for getting more of what you want out of life. Once you nominate some categories of importance to you such as health, friends, romantic relationship and career, then you have a base to measure progress going forward. What are the key areas in your life that deserve some time, focus and attention from you so as to serve as a start point for incremental, measurable steps forward on a consistent basis?

I hope this episode gives you some good insight into setting up a strong foundation or building on what you already have so as to get more of what you want. Enjoy!

Episode 74: Enjoying Success Without The Guilt

Embracing our success

Many of us learned a healthy work ethic from our family system. However, what many of us didn't learn was a healthy reward ethic!

Entrepreneurs, businesses owners and anyone working towards success and financial reward, may find that when they get there they are filled with guilt about taking advantage of what they have achieved.

What will my family think? What will my staff think?

Part of adult maturity is being able to see objectively both the strengths and weaknesses of the family system, tribe that we grew up in. Going forward we want to be the kind of people who can model healthy giving without draining ourselves and healthy receiving which isn't followed by a guilt, lack of deserving attack!

When we learn to functionally embrace our success and what comes with it, we give others permission to do the same.

I hope you find the episode helpful!

Episode 70: I Apologise For How I Apologise

How to apologise effectively

Ever been on the receiving end of a hollow or what you felt was an insincere apology? There is a way to apologise effectively and then there are plenty of ways to deliver an apology that can lead to more disconnection and frustration.

The ability to deliver an apology that works can leave the receiver feeling acknowledged and validated. Who wouldn't want that?

This episode looks at what to do to deliver an apology that works and also what doesn't work. Genuine apologies lead to repair and this leads to us feeling safe in our relationships both in the workplace and at home!

Episode 68: All or Nothing Under Stress

How to manage extreme responses & grow in confidence

Human beings are prone to either over responding or under responding in moments of stress. What this can translate to is our intention to deal with an already stressful situation is actually made worse through our response.

Through self-reflection of the ways in which we can have extreme responses either to acute or chronic stress situations, we will be able to better support self. If we are able to stay in a more moderate space of responsiveness that is more realistic as a response, the solutions can more readily emerge.

Challenging situations will present, so how do we prepare ourselves for more resourceful responses that will allow us to grow in confidence? Through awareness of when we are responding in extremes, we increase our ability to self-correct and get more of what we want.

Episode 67: Art of Giving

Giving to others from a place of joy rather than resentment

When we give to get this can often blow up on us and leave us feeling resentful!

What space am I giving from? In relationships be that with a friend, romantic partner or in business, there are times when I have engaged in giving purely because I had an agenda and expectation for myself.

I am going to keep score of what I have done for you and what you have done for me. I am ahead, so now you owe me! This type of approach and conditional giving can weaken relationships rather than strengthen them.

How do we give to others from a place of joy, non-attachment and never at the detriment of ourselves? How do I include myself in a loving way when it comes to giving to others?

Episode 66: Bouncing Back From Failure

Manage mistakes without losing confidence

It is important to have a method in place to overcome or move through potential failures and short comings. How do we get up and going again after our beloved business vision fell flat or seems to be heading in that direction.

The most effective business people are those that have a way to manage mistakes without losing confidence, freezing up and grinding to a halt. 

Having a bounce back plan in place before you begin can really help you to take the risk and the steps of courage you need to take in order to put your value out into the world!

Episode 65: Dealing with Internal Put Downs

How to set boundaries against negative self talk

We have become so skilled at denying our own inner lovingness, worth and value.

I can't remember where I heard this description about the Ego but I like it! Our Ego is our self loathing disguised as our self love! We have become masters at arguing very effectively with ourself about our own limitations. 

How do we set internal boundaries against seductive self talk that tries to convince us that we aren't enough!

Just because it feels real doesn't mean it is. I hope you find this episode assists you in staying connected to the magic of who you are!

Episode 57: Are You Enough?

Embracing yourself just how you are

When going after our success it is important to know what may be driving and motivating our actions. Limiting beliefs can mean that we build our accomplishments on very shaky ground.

We live in a culture and have experienced family systems that haven't always been able to connect us to our own innate value. If we are driven from a place of feeling we are not enough, our actions are likely to look a lot different from when we are coming from a space of completeness already!

This episode explores the idea that we are enough just as we are and how do we begin to embrace that even more deeply.

Episode 54: The How or When of Self Love

The power of asking ‘when’ questions

Sometimes we ask how to questions when there could be better questions to ask.

When questions can be very powerful and create for us an opportunity to approach a block or goal in a different way.

"How do I learn to love myself more?" A powerful question however different to: "When will I love myself more?" Sometimes asking when will we change is very different to how can we change.

This episode explores why that is the case. Asking when questions can open up whole new  experiences for us in our lives!

Episode 52: Building Self Trust

How to develop informed self trust

Many people think that when they feel they can trust self then they will take a risk. Unfortunately, informed self-trust and self-confidence come from risking first.

True trust comes from knowing that whether it works out in the moment or it doesn't, you can handle it! Once we know that we can manage ourselves through life's challenges then we deepen in self-trust and self-belief. However, this only arises by taking the steps first.

Episode 46: Facing Shame

Facing & moving through toxic shame

This episode is by audience request. How do we face toxic shame and continue to move forward in our lives. Toxic Shame is where we take the feelings of shame and we collapse it into our identity. I have an uncomfortable feeling of wrongness becomes "I am wrong!"

When we begin to feel that we are wrong or we are driven to avoid this feeling it can really dictate our choices and actions in life. Shame survives by hiding and can pull us away from having the kind of joyful life and relationship experiences that we want and deserve!

I hope you find this episode helpful and offers you extra insight into self-support.

Episode 44: Moving Towards Functional Adult

Benchmarks in developing our sense of healthy functional self

How do we esteem with greater effectiveness and acknowledge our innate worth?

When we are able to operate from a place of functional adult our relationships improve and deepen. This focus is just as valuable when considering improving business relationships as it is in our personal lives.

Some of our past experiences and conditioning has caused us to lose sight of our inborn value. When we devalue self, we set a precedent for others to do the same.

Functional adulting is something we do and when we understand more about what it involves to embrace this life improves. I hope you find the episode thought provoking!

Episode 37: Sufficiency

What if you knew you were already enough as you were right now?

How would that inform your decisions about yourself and your business?

When we come from the myth of scarcity it can drive us to operate in ways that are selfish, short-sighted and problematic.

As someone who has been driven by the idea of not being good enough and not having enough for most of my life, it is truly exhausting. Scarcity has at times robbed me of true joy and creativity.

This episode begins to explore the idea of sufficiency, inspired by the likes of Philanthropist and futurist Buckminster "Bucky" Fuller and a couple of his students, Marshall Thurber and Lynne Twist.

The paradigms of business and life are generally moving towards more informed views and global inclusiveness. I am enough and so are you! Enjoy!

Episode 31: Self-Awareness and Relationships

Improving your self-awareness improves your life

The one consistent element at the centre of all my relationships both successful and unsuccessful is me! One of the most dramatic ways to improve your life is to improve your self-awareness.

Episode 31 looks at a couple of key areas that can assist you in developing self-awareness so as to more effectively achieve goals, reduce recurring unpleasant dynamics with others and just enjoy life more.

We are with ourselves 24/7 so it makes absolute sense to know more about how we are presently putting the world together.

Episode 26: A Ramble on Motivation

What makes motivation easier to sustain?

Motivation for some can be about whipping oneself up into a frenzy of desire and activity. I have no issue with this as indeed for some people that is exactly what works!

However, for others, this can be difficult to sustain and that is what Episode 26 looks at. What elements of motivation are good to understand, and how do we operate in a way that supports our motivation and drives.

Self-care and effective strategies will make it easier for you to get motivated and maintain it as you move in the direction of the goals that you have set for yourself.